For many, the life of a touring musician is a romanticized dream of open roads, adoring fans, and creative freedom. But what happens when the stage lights dim and the applause fades? In a recent, refreshingly honest podcast conversation, Host Brett Newski and Musician Chris Otepka (The Heligoats, ex-Troubled Hubble) pulled back the curtain on the gritty, often grueling, reality of a life dedicated to music.
Their chat, held in Chicago’s Wicker Park neighborhood, felt less like an interview and more like a therapy session between two road-worn veterans, trading stories that paint a vivid picture of the highs and lows of the indie rock life.
The War Stories from the Road
“I felt my, uh, shoe start to fill up with jello.”
Every tour has its stories, but few are as intense as Chris Otepka’s. He recounted a now-infamous show in Des Moines where, in a fit of rock and roll fervor, he jumped from a second-story balcony and broke his leg. The twist? He got back up and finished the set, running on pure adrenaline before the “jello” feeling in his shoe and the intense pain set in. It’s a perfect, albeit painful, metaphor for the musician’s mantra: the show must go on, no matter the personal cost.
Brett Newski countered with a story that captures the surreal nature of the industry. Years ago, he created a t-shirt humorously depicting “Tom Petty May or May Not Be Jesus.” When Petty’s management got wind of it, Brett braced for a cease-and-desist letter. Instead, they loved the shirt, buying out his entire stock for the crew on what would be Petty’s final tour. It was a rare, heartwarming moment where the rock gods smiled down.
The Unseen Toll: Mental Health and the Music Machine
“I started having a panic attack. I started, I couldn’t breathe. My chest tightened up. I was ready to go to the hospital, and I, I don’t ever want to feel like that again.”
Perhaps the most poignant part of their discussion was the raw vulnerability they shared about mental health. Otepka spoke of a recent, debilitating panic attack he experienced after a triumphant and well-received performance. After a long pandemic-induced hiatus, the catharsis of being back on stage was so overwhelming that his body spiraled. “I don’t ever want to feel like that again,” he admitted, highlighting the profound emotional toll of baring your soul for a living.
Newski immediately related, confessing his own struggles with social anxiety and the immense pressure of interacting with fans after a show. He described being so overstimulated that he’s on autopilot, a state that once led to a fan emailing him to call him a “jerk” at the merch table—an interaction he had no memory of. It’s a stark reminder that the artists we see on stage are often running on empty, trying to navigate the emotional hangover that follows a performance.
A Bygone Era and the New Pressures
Both musicians expressed a deep nostalgia for the “sweet era” of the 90s and early 2000s. Otepka’s first band, Troubled Hubble, came up at a time when promoting a show meant hitting Kinko’s, plastering towns with flyers, and working college radio.
“The social media pressure or just the expectation that if you… you can’t necessarily make something on your four track… there’s that expectation or that pressure that, okay, if I do this, then it’s going to need all kinds of social media and graphic design support in order to compete… to appear relevant.”
That world came crashing down for them when their label, the legendary Lookout Records, went bankrupt. In a cruel twist of fate, the label collapsed under the financial weight of a lawsuit from one of its biggest successes, Green Day, who were pursuing unpaid royalties. Troubled Hubble became collateral damage in a battle between giants, a cautionary tale of how quickly an artist’s fate can be sealed by forces far beyond their control.
Today, the pressures are different but no less daunting. They lamented the modern necessity of constant self-promotion on crowded social media platforms, a relentless demand that can often overshadow the joy of creating the art itself.
The Enduring Spirit
Despite the broken bones, broken record deals, and bouts of anxiety, what shines through is an unwavering passion for the craft. The conversation ended with Otepka teasing a forthcoming Heligoats video and the two artists making hopeful plans to tour together.
“It was supposed to just be one show, and it turned into hundreds. It turned into records.”
Their talk serves as a vital reality check. Behind every song we stream and every show we attend, there are artists navigating a precarious landscape of physical risk, financial instability, and immense emotional pressure. It’s a testament to their love for the music that they continue to get in the van, climb on the stage, and do it all over again.
To hear more from the artists, The Heligoats on major music platforms. Chris Otepka has a new Heligoats performance video planned for release in October 2025.
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